It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my blog, mostly due to my busy schedule with school. This summer I made the mistake of signing up for 3 classes, 7 hours, online. One class also only lasted through the month of June (something I will NEVER do again if I can help it). This is the biggest load I have ever taken during the summer and I can definitely say it’s been one of the most stressful semesters as well. You see, one of my classes, the one that only lasted a month, is actually a retake for me. I took it this past spring term, but did not make the required B- I needed. Because I am applying to internships after I graduate, I must have verification statements from my teachers. In order to get these verification statements I must make at least a B- in ALL of my upper level courses. When I signed up for this course again this summer, I was not aware it was only going to last a month. But I thought I would be done quicker and I also just took the class, so one would think I could pull out a B- this time. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Again. I basically had an emotional breakdown about this situation because I was so stressed, so burnt out, and so worried about grades, about graduating, about whether I was even going for the right major. To be honest, I felt SO overwhelmed by everything and didn’t feel cut out for this kind of work. I’m also very tired of having graduation continually pushed back a semester because of classes I need to retake. As of right now, I should graduate a year and a half passed my 4 years, which puts me at December of 2014. And that’s with going through all the summers as well.
Once I got past my emotional breakdown, I realized that I shouldn’t be so worried about when I will actually graduate and how long it will take me to get there. I need to take it one semester at a time, focusing on the classes that are going on right now, right this moment. It does me no good to continually focus all my attention on graduation in the future, when I should be focused on what’s going on in the present moment. Instead of trying to cram everything in so I can graduate sooner, which usually backfires anyway, I need to pace myself. Take each semester slow and really put all my time and attention into doing my best with the current semester first, before focusing on anything else.
There are several scriptures in the Bible I try to remind myself of, especially when worry likes to creep into my mind. Luke 12:22-26 says, “Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Matthew 6:34 also states, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I need to have more faith in God that everything will work out. Maybe not in my time, but definitely in His time. Maybe there’s a reason why I’ll be in school longer? Maybe I’m supposed to be in this place for a longer period of time? I no longer want to let my worries get in the way of everything going on right now. I want to live for the moment and take each day one day at a time, concentrating on what God has planned for me and what He want out of me.